Dreams
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-09 17:47:37
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Romance, Hiei, Mukuro, HieiMukuro



Summary:
A quick snapshot... Only because a picture is worth more than just a thousand words. (of the HieiMukuro nature)

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
Mukuro, you are a cheeseball when you want to be, you know that?


Tag- What dreams may come will come. And…

Some psychologists ask to to draw the way you see the world. Whatever you see, just put it on paper. Apparently we're all so mentally disturbed that we can't agree on what the world looks like and so we live on seeing things differently. It's all a figure of speech, I know. If I were told to do that, I would want to draw something like a beach on fire. And a peaceful river down the middle just to throw them off. And a snow bank, just for good measure. They say a picture's worth a thousand words. They don't say what the thousand words say about you. It can't always be true. What can you say in a thousand words about a photo of someone's vomit? That's a hyperbole, and I know it.

This is how sad we are. We all want our world to be that peaceful beach where there's nothing but you, the sun, the sand, and the waves. We all want that tranquil little forest far from society where you're free to sleep when you want, leave when you want, come back when you want… We all have our peace when we're alone. But we all look for companionship. This is the first contradiction.

Alone we have tranquility yet being alone brings depression, loneliness. We all want someone to take care of us, to keep us company, to keep us amused, to tell us they love us no matter what. That's all it really comes down to. You can't feel loneliness without ever having had companionship. You can't completely enjoy companionship without having having ever been lonely. Opposites are there so we can live. You can't enjoy light without darkness, life without death, youth without old age, the leisure without work, happiness without sadness, and onward.

We cannot have the peaceful world we dream of. We'd get bored and we'd hate it. We need the chaos to balance it out. We can't have heaven without ever living in hell. We can't escape from all hell to enjoy heaven. That is the second contradiction. We want to go to our so-called "happy place" but we can never have it. It's just a dream. We live to hold that dream. We are dreamers. We will kill for that dream and scream when they take away our dreams and our ability to dream. It's just an idea but god help you if you go against my idea or if you take it away.

And what about my dreams?

Hell, I don't remember a time I was ever truly happy. The euphoria of being free was only until everything set in. That there wasn't much else out there. But what makes me happy now? I'm sure that I am now.

How long will I keep denying myself the joy of having some companion? Hell, I feel bad just limiting you to being a companion. You are a person with an identity. Why do we turn our companions into objects?

In fact, why is companionship an object rather than an idea?

How long will I accept this happiness? I'm to busy remembering the days when I saw a blade and imagined slitting my throat with it and just watching as the blood squirts out of my jugular… You understood that so completely it was terrifying. How many times I've considered death the better option. After the empty rage melted away. Just turning into raw regret. I don't know what drew me to tell you these things. I don't know what draws us to each other the way it does really. I still don't. No matter what they may say.

Companionship.

We'd have ourselves torn apart if it means that someone will tell us that they love us. Even if it was for a moment and even if they didn't mean it at all. Just a lie between their teeth and both of you know it. But dammit, they said it at least. (That's desperation. The definition of desperation.)

I'm backwards, I guess you could call it, if you're looking at it in that aspect. Tear myself apart to stay away from that sort of thing. More torn apart than I already was anyway. Hell, I may just tear myself apart even more if it means undoing everything the surgeons already did to my internally deformed self.

And then you asked me if I had an X Ray.

An X Ray?

You heard me.

No.

Good, cause otherwise I don't give a shit about that. Unless you're going to pull an X ray out and point out exactly what the hell is wrong with you then I don't care if they made your guts look like a motherfucking flower or some crazy shit like that. Next thing you'll be telling me your scars ruined your life. If I can't see past it then you're stupid for even wasting your time on me. Hell, let's just leave that between us. And then it doesn't have to be a problem.

I could have kissed you. I guess. I don't even know. That's the best I could do to put that moment of joy into words. I can't explain. I could have been holding it back for all I know. I don't really know what the feeling is. I never really know what to say about these sorts of things. I don't think you do either.

I remember telling you one day, I don't want to make this go to far. Maybe we should just cut it off before it starts. I don't want it to get that far. I want to but in the end it will just end in pain like it always does for people. I don't want to hurt you.

I thought you would have agreed. But you said, Well, hell. We'll figure that out when we get there.

And what dreams may come… They will come. And yours and mine will melt together.

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