All my love
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-02 00:36:58
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Drama, Angst, Hiei, Mukuro, HieiMukuro



Summary:
Mukuro disappears but when Hiei searches for her he finds himself in a world of delirium and madness.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
If you have any questions, please ask in a comment or whatnot, but I'm pretty sure it's all straightforward. The song used is Led Zeppelin's "All My Love." It would be awesome if you listened to it when reading this. Don't own Yuyu Hakusho. Not sure I really want to.


All My Love

What is a single being but a small piece in another's puzzle really? And why search for purpose, to search for a more definite source of life? Where did we come from? Why are we here? How will it end? How soon will it end? What is fate? Why bother asking?

In the end aren't we all just pieces? Just pieces looking for another to complete ourselves in this search for a soul mate? In the end there are no single pieces to our puzzle but one in many. But the man who singles themselves out may just succumb to madness and live a life of delirium. Though we may deny it, we are only a small space of time.

Just a small space.

But is this reality? Or is this all a dream?

Escape from reality, my lambs. Let's escape from reality and go into fantasy...

*~*~*~*

Hiei laid in the field of tall beastly hairs of grass, hiding from no one in particular. Yes, he, too, was only a small speck of dust in the wind. In the end, aren't we all just dust in the wind? he thought. Living one minute and dying the next?

It was Mukuro though that changed that speck to something more. Something more in that gust. Mukuro, that complicated rose hidden beyond everyone's reach with thorns a mile long so no man could touch her. But those thorns were gone now. There was a hole where her heart was. It's gone now.

Mukuro. The blade in his heart was there all along. Yes, there was a blade in his heart all these years. She was the one who removed that blade. She was the one who nursed that wound. Yes, she lead him to realize he was only living with half a soul. And she completed that half a soul.

There was a rustle in that beastly hair followed by the sound of sneaking footsteps. He shot up and looked at the one creating the noise- Mukuro, who was apparently amusing herself with some game playing the wildcat and he the prey. He knew her too well. She would never catch him off guard.

She stared at him with brooding blue eyes on the verge of tears as she crouched beneath the grass, apparently still amusing herself with her game. God, it always seemed like she was about to cry or maybe she was glaring at him. It was a mysterious glow in her eyes. It was so hard to place.

That thought was shoved away in his mind when Mukuro suddenly shot up, shrugging. The game was over. She knew she was caught. She glanced away at the distance, watching the grass waves the wind created. She pointed to the sky. "When in doubt, go towards the sun. You remember that?"

Hiei looked away, obviously rejecting conversation. He laid back down and stared up at the fire in the sky. When in doubt go towards the sun. That made sense. If he were a bird, anyway.

"That's where you ended up at," she added apathetically, also rejecting a new opportunity to start conversation. She was a woman of little words now. She sat beside him and stared up at the sky. "Walk towards the sun."

"What do you want?" Hiei finally growled.

"I just wanted to find you. That's all." She started to look around as if disoriented. She laid down and stared at the fiery sky. "Why do you always pull these disappearing acts?"

"What, I can't be alone for five minutes?" He rolled over so he could face her.

"I believe you do the same for me." Sarcastically.

"No, I don't. I can leave you alone."

"Denial."

He was subdued. "Don't try being smart with me."

The look on her face told him that she found that statement rather comical. She stared at him for a while and opened her mouth as if getting ready to say something but then she closed it as if rejecting the thought she had. She sat up and stared at the sky again as if contemplating flight.

"Don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"That one you just had."

"You're rather irritable this afternoon, aren't you?"

He grunted at her and she gave him a half smile as she laid back in the grass. He stood up and started to walk away from her to search for his own solitude when she stopped him by grabbing him by the ankle. "Let me go."

"Don't go. Or I might just disappear."

"Don't give me that crap."

"But I might. You never know."

He sighed and walked away. Away into the abyss.

*~*~*~*

Should I fall out of love my fire in the night

To chase a feather in the wind

Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight

There moves a thread that has no end

*~*~*~*

She didn't return. She had disappeared to Hiei's madness.

He looked everywhere he could imagine but instead he fell into darkness. Into the abyss in which he left her! Walk towards the sun... And he did but down he fell... Red. Blood. Everywhere. Dreams ran down his arms. Yes, now he was in a puddle of dreams.

She was moving on now. Moving on through the wind. She was leaving him. Wasn't she? No, she would never do that. They completed each other. But there she was, her back to him, walking away. Going, going. Gone. Gone with the wind.

Why? Why? Why?

She was in the wind out of his reach now still wandering away from him. Why? Did she feel unsatisfied with him now? But he did all he could. Didn't he?

*~*~*~*

Many hours and days that pass over soon

The tides have caused the flame to dim

At last the arm is straight the hand to the loom

Is this the end or just begin

*~*~*~*

Nostalgia. Tasted like ectasty, smelled like a dark comedy of the soul. Yes all this was a comedy. Starting with sorrow and ending in joy. But is this sorrow or is this joy? Could you make the choice to tell the difference? No? Yes? Both?

She approached him. The dream had flowed over his eyes. He's blind now. And she was approaching him. God, he wished her walking in place would end. It seemed and eternity before she arrived with her tear rimmed eyes. Come to think of it, she always seemed to be crying. He never understood why. But he knew he never cared. He thought it was too weak. The foolish soul! Too weak! Too foolish!

"What is happiness?" she asked him.

"I dunno. Something unreachable to me is all I know."

"Don't be a fool."

"Are you sure you're not the one to be the fool in the end? And why are you asking me that if you already know the answer?"

"I think I do. I want your idea too."

"What do you say?"

She smirked and stayed silent, implying her answer. She laid in the grass almost hidden. She added, " What is lost and never gained?"

"Not that one again."

"Yes. You still haven't answered."

"What the hell do you want me to say? Your virginity?"

"The answer's easy."

"Innocence, time. I read it in a book somewhere!"

"That wasn't so bad was it? And are you sure ut was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?"

"Yes." He stared at the sky. She started saying something else but he fell asleep.

He woke with a start. And he shot up. He looked around and saw in the corner of his eye Mukuro give him a look that said, "Why did you get up and wake me up?"

A beast. Suddenly a beast took her place. And an enormous fog flooded the world. He wandered through the fog and took an invisible hand and lifted the massless body. He kissed invisible lips. But they were ones he didn't recognize. It was the beast. A six headed beast. Unslayable in nature. And he eyes, its fiery eyes tore through his brain.

The reaper hung over him and held out a hand. It was Mukuro again. There she was. A hand raised to the sun's flaming grip. In her hand was a bloodied cup and she raised it to her lips. "Amen."

There was a sharp pain in Hiei's chest and he saw the cup grow fuller. Then he saw that inside the cup was a heart. HIS heart. Hiei rolled over in his grave, the puddle of dreams.

*~*~*~*

The cup is raised the toast is made yet again

One voice is clear above the din

Proud Aryan one word my will to sustain

For me the cloth once more to spin

*~*~*~*

Black film covered his eyes. The beasts tugged at his every limb and took him away to hell. Laying in some hospital bed he didn't know.

And a hand patted his forehead. Was it God? No, it was someone. A divine spirit nonetheless. "It will be okay, son. It will be okay."

The cryptic words dripped into his melted brain. His head was going to explode soon and he knew there was only one soul he wanted to see. But the puddle of dreams diluted it away.

And there was Mukuro, the woman of his dreams. He remembered what he told her. "I'll live for you and you could live for me."

What was he fighting for anymore? She disappeared without him and won't come back. The IV tugged away at his arm as he struggled to leave.

The divine spirit laid him down to relax. It was a woman with the face of his mother. "Stay down, my son. Be still now. There will be someone to see you if you stay."

"Mother?"

"No, I'm... Yes. Yes. I am. Stay now."

And from the like the red haired angel arrived and held his soul in her arms. There were tears of hopelessness running down her face. "But why?" The angel sobbed harder. "But why?"

Time ran out. But the light stayed in his heart.

*~*~*~*

Yours is the cloth mine is the hand that sews time

Ours is the fire all the warmth we could find

He is a feather in the wind

All of my love, all of my love, all of my love to you...

I get a little lonely sometimes

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