Horror Movie Ch 8 To Serve Man
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-09 17:12:30
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Humor, Keiko, Kurama, Kuwabara, Yukina, Hiei, Koto, Juri, Yusuke

Keiko learns something troubling about the food the restaurant's serving.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
lol imma up the rating on this because theres naked chicks n u can c everything! Yeah, no, I have this thing about ratings. I really bump it up unless what I'm writing is really that bad. Never understood why nudity was a reason in literature. Unless you're writing stuff like how her boobs were like pears or something. Also, reference to Second Pillow's 30 H's and the Higurashi parody "Casey and Friends." (7/09/2012 we have officially caught up with ffnet)
Chapter 8
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Chapter 8: To Serve Men (and Women!)

Kuwabara sat on the bed, chugging down a Pepsi. "So… now what? Shorty's gone off- apparently. Are we still gonna go around together?"

Kurama shrugged. "I don't know what makes him so sure it's better that he leaves. But I really think Demon World might be a good place to go. At least until things cool down. I have a feeling Mukuro might head there at one point. And Hiei, too, probably. I'm sure Shigure can figure out something. He's seen some weird stuff."

"Isn't he the dude you fought in the Tournament thing?"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"…Wouldn't he kind of have a grudge?"

"If Mukuro doesn't, then he shouldn't."

"Are you sure she doesn't?"

Kurama shrugged again. "You can only hope. But from what I understand, she didn't take the outcome of it all too hard. She seems happier now. Not that I ever knew her personally to know whether that was the case. I'm not saying anything." He shrugged. "I guess I can say that she's happier now that the whole load of having the world on your shoulders is gone. Now all she has to deal with at worst is Hiei's antics. I think Yomi's trying to hard to get over this turn of events though. Then again, he looks at Enki and it's always that awkward moment when you realize she lost to him."

"…I'm not going to ask. And what the crap is going on between them? Seriously."

"I don't think even they know."

It was silent. Kuwabara lay on the bed. "So you're sure about this going to Demon World thing?"

"It's all we can hope for." Kurama paused. "Hold on a minute." He walked to the phone and picked it up and dialed a number. "Hello? What? This is Shuichi. I'm… Oh for the love of… I told you that al- Yeah, I'm still wearing the same pair of jeans I was wearing when I last called you. Um… Have you looked outside lately? Of course I can't change. Don't yo- I-… I'm… I'm hanging up, I don't care."

Kuwabara stared at Kurama. "What was that about?"

"I called my mom… except it was my grandma's number. In Texas."

"You have a grandma in Texas?"

"Have you ever met my cousin from Long Beach?"

"Uh, no… Why?'

"Good because she's abomination comparable to Hiei's long lost half, who is also a girl that has a nasty habit of stalking me and dyeing her hair awkward colors along with being half fox, wolf, dragon, and turkey."

"But that does-"

"We. Know. That."

"…How many sisters does this guy have?"

"One actually. We've decided that these are girls who escaped from a nearby mental facility, dependent on experimentations in the Mary Sue gene. That aside, you should call your sister to make sure she's okay."

"Oh my god!" Kuwabara sat up. "I completely forgot about her! And dad, too. Come to think of it, why didn't you just go on a date with my sister?"

"Wow, you'd let me take her on a date? She is pretty good-looking, if I say so myself. And I have had my eye on her…"

"Dude, that's my… Oh, I see your point now. You were lying about the rest of it, right?"

"Your sister is kind of attractive."

"That's my sister!"

"Okay, fine, Kuwabara, she's hideous!"

"Don't talk about my sister that way!"

"…This is getting us nowhere. Just call her. Let me know how it goes." He started to walk towards the bathroom.

Kuwabara took the phone and stared at the numbers, holding his hands over them…


Keiko sat on the bed and sighed. She listened to Yukina go through the drawers, and then she stopped and looked through a book. "Hey, Yukina, you mind reading that out loud? I think it might be nice to hear something good."

"Um… There's two in here," Yukina said.

"What? I dunno, pick the one with the prettier pages."

"Uh… Okay, so you've chosen the Necronomicon… Chapter One, Black Magic: How you purge the blood from Virgins and Black Cats fast and easy! Oh and someone wrote… Oh, oh dear… I see a word written in pencil here, and I think it's bad…."

"It probably is. Skip it."

"Uh… This book smells funny. Kind of like… Ew, I think it's blood!"

"Jeez, throw it back it!"

"Is this why people burn books?"

"No, that's… Just read the other book!"

"Okay, the bible. Let me see… And so the prophet Elisha was in a village and the children said, 'Go away bald head, go away bald head!' And then he called some bears and they killed the fuck out of the children and when the adults came over the bears came over and killed the fuck out of them too. Then Harry Potter came riding on a meteorite welding Fuckslayer and he killed them and the tiny fucklings at Hogwarts…." Yukina sighed and shut the book. "How about a nice story by the brother's Grimm? You know Rumpelstiltskin… Er… You just wanna take a shower? I can wash your clothes, too. You're covered with mud." Yukina opened the closet door and took out a robe. "You can just wear this until they dry."

"I can do it myself. I don't want you to get your hands in my… er…" Keiko sat up. A bath does sound good right now. It's been a few days, hasn't it? It's been a while since she did shower and that could probably calm down her nerves.

"Well, I'll get the racks ready so we can have them hung up."

Keiko walked into the bathroom, closed the door behind her and got undressed. She pulled the shower curtain closed and started the water, grabbing her clothes in front of her and wringing out the dirt. Once that was done, she hung the clothes on the metal bar holding up the shower curtain and she plugged the tub up and lay in the water. She shut her eyes and sighed.


Hm? She opened her eyes and looked around. She was about to call Yukina but she knew it was a man's voice that was calling her. In fact, she could have sworn it was…

No. It can't be. I'm just… Man, I could use a good night's sleep.


No, no, no… You're not… The door was opening. She tensed up, on impulse covering her breasts with one arm, the other grabbing one of the disposable razors she took, pulling her legs up to cover the rest of her. There was a shuffle of something going on the toilet. The steps came closer and a hand reached out to the shower curtain. "B-back off, I have a razor and I'm not afraid to use it!"

The curtain was pulled away and it was Yukina, wrapped up in a towel. "Um… Is this a bad time?"

"…Yukina…?" Keiko relaxed a bit but still kept herself covered. "Wait, what are you doing in here?"

"Don't you want me to wash your back? I see on TV and manga that it's a good way for girls to bond together," Yukina said with an innocent smile. Don't believe in everything you read in manga, Yukina.

"You mean you did this all the time where you're from?"

"Well, actually we bathed together everyday. And then we all went to the hot springs together. Actually, I think we should all go there when this is over. It's always good to bond!"

"…Sure… I think I'm done now." Keiko reached passed Yukina and grabbed a towel. "You can switch with me."

"O… Okay. You're not mad, are you?" Yukina turned around so Keiko could get dressed.

"No, why would I be?" Keiko slipped on the robe and grabbed her dripping clothes from the metal rod. She went to the sink and wrung them out again. "I was just uncomfortable with, you know… I know we're both girls, but I still don't feel comfortable with being naked with someone else." She glanced at Yukina, who looked as though she was about to ask a question, but thought better of it. They both knew it was relating to Mukuro. If she would be all for this sort of thing. All things considered, probably not, but Keiko wouldn't have given her an answer. And right now, she would have liked to forget about her for a while. Just until it didn't matter. "Well, tell you what, when you get out, we can have some girl talk, okay?"

"I'd like that," Yukina replied. Keiko glanced at her face and saw a bit of loneliness behind her smile. Whether or not the deed had been done then, they still both knew they were one person short. And yet another shorter. She walked out and hung her clothes on the rack. She put her face in her hands and tried not to think about him. But his voice still called, Keiko, Keiko, Keiko…


Kurama had stepped out of the shower before Kuwabara finally gained the courage to dial the number. He sat on the foot of the bed, barely making out the sound of the dial tone. Then Kuwabara squealed in shock.

"Damn dad! Quit recording yourself taking a dump for the answering machine! You know people call this phone and I hope you know some of them are people who offer me a job, too! …And also, could you please call me back to let me know you're okay? I haven't been home in a while cause some things came up. Like really, really bad things. Just call me on my cell when you get this message or get home. Sis, you hear me? Please?" He hung up. Kuwabara looked at Kurama and shrugged. "Well, either they both went out of town or they had a feeling something was up. You know, good old Kuwabara sense running through the family and all. I think my sister could hold em off good. You know, they way she handles demons. And I think my dad said something about how he has a business trip out of the country this weekend or next. So it's all good."

Kuwabara thought about it. "So your grandma answered the phone. Where does she live?"

"Hokkaido," Kurama replied.

"Ho- What the hell, man? They have a different area code than us!"

"Okay, I haven't completely assimilated to being human, okay? I don't even know the difference between DSL Internet and dial up."

"…Uh, you mean other than one being hooked up to a phone and not sucking?"

"…Is that what it is? Fascinating. Why haven't demons thought of this?" As a side note, demons have had Internet for at least a century now, but Kurama being Kurama particularly enjoys robbing demons who have a flair for centuries old treasures and castles because they have locks that are more fun to pick. This being so, he never encountered a computer except those of the likes of da Vinci's time. What? You didn't know that they had computers then? Look it up, I don't make this shit up! (Maybe.) "…Damn, I feel as though something in the force vomited in my lap. I think I need to shower again."

"Dude, you shower enough to make a girl look bad."

"You calling me a girl?"

"Does it sound like I'm calling you a girl? Seriously, you might wanna see a therapist about your anger issues about that."

"Kuwabara, just because you look like Rick Astley and everyone is sure of your masculinity doesn't mean it's easy for me. You know how tough it is to go everyday when guys hit on you because they think you're a girl… or gay?"

"…You really think so?"

"Really Kuwabara? Really?"

"…So what do you think the girls are doing? You think they're… Ick, I can't do this. I'm going to take a cold shower."

As Kuwabara walked to the bathroom, Kurama called over his shoulder, "Make sure you clean it!"

"Shut up, man."


Keiko couldn't sleep. Not because she had to share the bed with Yukina. She made peace with that. And also by putting duct tape to make sure they knew the boundaries between the two. Not that Yukina would actually violate such things, but Keiko had a feeling she might need to.

She stared at the red numbers on the alarm clock. For a second she saw the numbers spell out her name. She blinked and looked around. She wanted to wake up Yukina but she sighed, deciding she was just really tired. The numbers spelled out, "You need to sleep. You will be getting sleepy in…" And the numbers counted down from ten, nine, eight… She shut her eyes.


She opened them again. She was still in the motel room and Yukina was still sleeping next to her. She saw the door to the room was open. She stared at it.

"Keiko. Come out."

She felt nervous and got up, hand shaking by the knob. She wanted to close it but she knew this was an opportunity she must take. She shut her eyes as she opened the door and opened the when she heard it creak. She looked around and saw only the parking lot.

"I'm in front of the restaurant. Don't worry about the lock. It'll stay locked. You're just dreaming. Come to the restaurant.'

She nodded and followed his voice. She stepped through the parking lot in her bare feet, not quite aware of the feeling of gravel scrapping on her feet. She just felt the cold of the asphalt on her feet. The cold air on her damp hair. The cold fog that seeped in through the robe and onto her bare skin. She started to run to the restaurant and there she saw crouched in front, cigarette in between his fingers was Yusuke. She felt the tears drip from her eyes. She ran to him and embraced him.

"I can't believe it's you…" She managed to choke out that much.

"Yeah, I know… I know. Listen Keiko, we don't have much time. I have to show you this." He opened the door. "Get over here." She followed him in, not letting go of his hand. It was still warm. Just like she remembered. "Hey, hey, hey. Get your head back into planet earth, here, Keiko. I want you to look in the kitchen and tell me what you see."

She looked away from his face and looked through the window and saw on the chopping block an arm. Her blood drained from her face. She looked around and saw a leg… "Oh my god, you mean…?"

"Yeah, that special taste test thing they promised you yesterday? They're gonna give you people."


"Don't you remember, Keiko? You kept my…"


Keiko sat up in bed, tears in her eyes. It was seven AM now. Yukina was stirring next to her.

"Keiko? You were talking in your sleep… What's wrong?" Yukina asked.

"Get dressed, Yukina. We have to get the guys and leave," Keiko replied.

"Why? Can't we stay and eat?"

"I'll tell you when we're all together."


"Hold the phone! You mean they're gonna make us eat people!" Kuwabara gasped. "What the heck made you think that?"

"Well… Couldn't you smell it…?" Keiko replied, fishing for lies. "Like that weird pork smell? I heard that people taste like pork."

"Yeah, you're right. It does taste like pork," Kurama said, receiving stares. "Don't act like you didn't know I used to eat people. Well, let's just get our stuff together and…"

They heard a knock on the door next door.

"Oh crap! Everyone be quiet and don't answer the door!" Kuwabara hissed.

"They know we're here! They can feel us," Kurama whispered back.

They all cowered in the back of the room as the knocks came. Then they heard Juri's voice, "Come on! We know you're in there. These plates aren't cold and light you know!"

Yukina sighed and answered the door. "Um, we kind of have to…"

"Nonsense! Just sit down and then we'll just give you some nortion taco-age!" Koto said as she waved a plate of tacos in their faces.

"Uh, we're kind of vegetarian so we can't…"

"What? Why didn't you say so? You know how long it took us to prepare this meat?" Koto put the tacos on the table. "Can't you break your vegetarian-"

"Hey, wait a sec!" Juri cut in. "You can't be vegetarians! You all ordered something with meat in it yesterday! Except for her."

"Yeah, we kind of… forgot…" Yukina said.

"How do you forget about something like that?"

"If it makes you feel better we all threw up a lot last night. Our bodies can't take meat anymore. We all cried ourselves to sleep!"

"If you don't believe us, we have a trashcan full of used tissues in the bathroom," Kurama added. "And you might want to fix the toilet. It was broken. And replace the toilet paper." For those of you who are curious, Kurama, bored in the middle of the night, started flushing down toilet paper like he saw in one Calvin and Hobbs comic he read. He couldn't do it at home since his mom would get mad.

Koto frowned. Juri rolled her eyes. "You are all so lying!"

"You know what this means?" Koto asked.

And they said at the same time, "It's time for the penalty game!"

"You got the needles?" Koto asked Juri.

"You got the knives…?"

"You ready to prepare our next meals…?"

"Look, there's a red herring in the air! Flying!" Kuwabara screamed, pointing behind the two. When they both turned, the four ran out of the hotel.

"OMG, I just remembered, that like, herrings are fishes!" Juri growled as she slapped Koto.

"WTF! You should know, you're a fish!" Koto replied.

"At least I know what I am!" And so commenced a girl fight. Now if Kurama wasn't joining the other three he would have stayed behind and recorded it and put it on youtube. Once he finished figuring out the internet.

But the three went to the car and drove off.


Mukuro stopped on the side of a highway about twenty-five feet away from Tokyo and looked back. He wasn't following her anymore. Imagine that. She sighed and went on. No time to rest. They were at her heels.


Hiei stood in front of the entrance to Demon World. He stared at it, stepped to the side for some idiot to pass through. Something told him not to go through. If no one came out in five minutes he would continue to wander around.

So he continued wandering aimlessly.

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Chapter 8
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