Forever Yesterday 1 Kuwabara's Mission
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-17 23:55:16
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Humor, Parody



Summary:
Exactly what it says on the tin. (about three years post-series)

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
I'm aware the Spirit Detective position was gone at the end of the series. Mostly because Koenma realized Spirit Detectives aren't so fun.
Chapter 1
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Kuwabara awoke from a series of nightmares (but he was not turned into a vermin, Mr. Kafka) not knowing where he was. Disoriented, he stood up and turned around a few times to find something that he recognized, which he didn't. He decided upon going through the past he figured out the cause. The last thing he remembered was breathing in some chemicals that the demon he was pursuing happened to toss... Or that would have been the heroic way of putting it considering that the demon actually just shoved a towel in his face and forced him to breathe it in. Well, either way looked bad to him. So this means I'm in Demon World. Crap! What am I gonna do now? I don't know anything about this place!

Then an idea struck. Wait! What was it that Kurama said?

"Don't lick doorknobs, Kuwabara. It's unsanitary." Uh, no!

"Quantum physics are actually quite simple, really. See all you..." Definitely not.

"You'll never guess what happened to be on the sub this morning." Okay now.

"Why is there a sock in this soup?" Hey, wait! When did that happen?

"Hiei probably won't come around here anymore. He's out doing patrol with Mukuro. Apparently it's time consuming but he says he still sleeps a lot." That! That's it! Hiei's on patrol so he'll come in a police car (at which point Kuwabara discarded any doubts regarding Hiei's driving ability I mean, can he even see the road if he's in a car?) at some point and then he'll pick me up and help me get home! Yeah! That's a great idea! I mean, he has to, right? I bet he's a nicer guy too cause he's got a girlfriend now... I think! But I'll smack him if he's still the jerk he was before.

And so Kuwabara, determined to make sure he would be saved, waited. And waited. And waited until he fell asleep. Then he woke up again and heard some bushes rustling. He stood up, ready to fight and just as something came out he swung at it with his Spirit Sword, only to be blocked by Hiei's blade. For a moment Hiei looked surprised until he realized who Kuwabara was.

"Oh, great it's you," he grumbled.

"What? You little...! I was over here waiting all helpless and this is what you say to me after we haven't seen each other in over five years!" Kuwabara grabbed the demon by his shoulders and started shaking him.

"You're acting like you're doing me a favor and get your dirty hands off me!"

"Hey, I wash my hands... A lot! You're the one with nasty hands!"

"This isn't about hands! ...And I really do wash my hands. It disgusts me to know that I could potentially shake nine dirty hands out of ten if I actually shook people's hands. What're you doing here anyway?"

"Oh well, I had this mission and..."

"Tell me later. Just come with me. Regulation says I have to bring you back no matter what. I dunno what they ruled on dead people though. But you're obviously not in that category."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Just shut up and follow me before I kick your dumb ass over there!"

Ugh, so he's the same jerk he was before. I should kick him but... "Hey, wait, don't you have a car?"

"Do I look like I drove over here? And do you see any drivable roads? No, there, shut up!" And so they reached the... Fortress whatever that thing is that they travel in. Kuwabara then recounted the mission.

"Okay, so let me get this straight, you got kidnapped on your mission?" Nod. "I gotta ask. Is this your fifth or sixth one?"

"What? No, it was my first," Kuwabara replied.

"You what? That's sad."

"Hey, I saw first! Anyone can be kidnapped on their first!"

"Not if you were with Yusuke all this time! You should know better than to...! I should kick your dumb ass and make you walk home. You're just not even worth getting taken care of!"

"Hey, shut up! Just cause you can run a mile in less than a second doesn't mean everyone else can too!"

Mukuro walked in. "What's going on in here?"

"This fool got kidnapped on his first mission."

"...That's kind of depressing..." Long silence. "By the way, maybe you should quit BSing and get back to what you're doing. I'll deal with him."

"Okay." Twindles thumbs.

Kuwabara whisped, "You are so whipped." At which point Hiei flipped him off and left the room. He sighed. "Hey, do you know a way for me to get home? All I wanted was to come home and then he tells me he has to assess me or something."

"Well, not really. He's always just erased people's memories and then sent them out. Or maybe he wanted to bask in your failure. One of the two." And who knows what the other of the two was. "At this point there's probably a good way about thity five degrees from here."

Kuwabara stared at her like she was crazy.

"Look, just go south east and then you'll run into a worm hole. ...You don't need assistance do you?"

"God no!" Kuwabara quickly ran out.

Mukuro looked slightly offended. "I didn't mean in that way."

-.-.-

"Huh. So you met Mukuro," Kurama said after Kuwabara explained the whole incident. "Don't see her too often when I go over and visit. Apparently she has stuff to do. Hiei never tells me what it is though."

"Other than himself?" Kuwabara grumbled. "And you sure that's her? I was expecting someone a little more... You know... Taller? I dunno. There's something missing."

Yusuke entered the room. "Oh, Kuwabara, you're back, you loser."

"I'M a loser! You're eighteen and you still work in a noodle stand. Get a real job, fool!"

"Whatever. What'd you go all MIA for anyway? Get turned down by Yukina so you decided to go on a never ending quest to prove your worth?"

"No. I was on a mission."

"I haven't seen you since yesterday. It didn't sound like a hard one to me."

"Yeah, well, I got kidnapped so shut it."

"Kidnapped on your first mission?" Kurama asked as he cocked a brow. "That's..."

"I know! It's a failure! Those guys told me so! I get it!" Kuwabara growled.

"Well, I was going to say that it's unfortunate but if you wanna look at it that way..."

WHY?

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