Twd4L CH2 Daddy's Little Girl
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-18 00:20:13
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Romance, Humor, Hiei, Mukuro

And so we meet... Chikou. Who does not make tacos.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
Don't act like Chikou doesn't make you think of tacos.
Chapter 2
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"You know, Hiei, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll just have to smother you with a pillow," Mukuro told Hiei as he stared at the ceiling with seemingly unblinking eyes. "Actually, Hiei... You look so nice and peaceful like that. You look like you're dead."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Just a thought. What's going on with you?"

"Well, for one, you're knitting."

She looked down at her wonderful creation, whatever it was. It was in the beautiful imagery in the words of George Carlin, it was "seriously FUCKED UP!" Come to think of it, how did she learn to knit in the first place? "It's what pregnant women do."

"No, that's what saggy old women do for their grandkids and neighbors who take it because they have to. Pregnant women lay around and puke all day and eat weird crap and do weird breathing exercises and yoga. Or whatever that crap is."

"Actually the breathing exercises are for helping you out during labor and it's the same with the yoga or aerobics... I forget which one it was. Around the nine months it also helps to lift heavy things because it helps you dilate your..."

"Anyway... I was thinking that since this is going on it's time we stop wondering what should be and what should never be. Because what will be will be and what is is and what is not is not. So it's best that what could and should be should stay a should be and a could be and not a would be."

"I'm not following."

Irritable sigh. "I think we should meet each other's parents."

"Why?" Raised eyebrow.

"Do I have to go and say that what will be will be speech again?" She shook her head, eyebrow still cocked. "Okay! That's why!"

"How does that relate to that?"

"I'm not supposed to make sense. It's like candy. It's not supposed to make sense. So we'll start with your father."

"What?! Why?!"

"Because when you're pregnant the pregnant one's parents have to be the first ones to know after the spouse or husband or boyfriend or whatever. It goes like this pregnant woman then the kid's father then the maternal grandparents to be then the paternal grandparents to be then friends then everybody else who doesn't matter."

"Can't we start with your parents first? I think they'll take it better..."

"No! We're going and that's final!"


So Hiei had been driving for a couple of hours (Or he thought it was a couple of hours. The clock in the car always seemed to think it was twelve o' clock.) and he assumed Mukuro had fallen asleep an hour ago. He happened to glance at her because she was making weird sounds in her sleep and twitching. If she were a dog, you would say she was dreaming about running. But let's not say that because that's kind of mean and we all like Mukuro. So let's say she was dreaming about... Er, that's mean too... Let's just say she's having a happy dream. Now Hiei was just looking at her kind of staring because he found Mukuro's twitching kind of comical. He wanted to be cutesy again and kiss her on the cheek but then before he could did it he saw a manga (Super Special K: American Hero!) sitting in between their seats, face down parted halfway. For some reason that bothered Hiei. It wasn't that he was a booklover or anything. (He hated to read. Especially if it was manga.) It was just that it was right there. He picked it up and just before he could light it on fire he stared at the pages. But get this, he was laughing at it. Not an evil laugh, a victory laugh, or an amused laugh. It was a serious laugh.

"Heh heh... Look at all those hamburgers... You can't eat all those hamburgers, you silly man!" Limp wrist. He turned the page. "Oh but he's going to try! You're so ridiculous! You hear me, you ridiculous man?" He looked up at the room... And he became gay for five seconds before he crashed into a tree.

Mukuro's eyes shot open and she twisted around to look at the window. "Good lord! What was happening to that woman!"

"...That was me Mukuro." Sheepishly.

"Are you...?" She noticed the manga in his hands. "What the hell is wrong with you Hiei?! Were you reading that thing while you were driving?! I thought you didn't read that!"

"Okay before you yell at me about this, tell me why this guy eating hamburgers has to do with this Super Special K American Hero guy."

"It's satire of how Americans are overly dependent on fast food and are addicted to Starbucks and how they have a fascination of celebrities but don't care about things that matter like war and voting for presidents."

"Whatever. You know what? We're walking. You need to walk anyway. You'll get fat off all those bowls of pickles and ice cream."

"I should smack you for that." So they walked a few miles until they made it to Mukuro's father's house-hut-apartment-mansion-manor-castle-whatever-he-lives-in-thing. (For the sake of argument let's say he just lives in a house.) "Well, we're here."

Hiei sighed and half dragged her to the door. "Let's go and get it over with." Once they were at the door, he knocked on it. It felt like an hour before the door was answered by a fat man who reached out at the two with sausage fingers. He stared at the two wide pig-like eyes. He started to drool a bit before he finally spoke. "Are you two selling girl scout cookies? I'm running low on mine. I'll take all you have."

"Ugh... I'm Hiei and this is your daughter Mukuro. We come bearing news..."

Le gasp! "They stopped selling chocodiles! Woe is me! Tell me no more!" He slammed the door but Mukuro put her hand in the way so it wouldn't close. She yelped in pain and drew back. The fat man, let's use his real name which I've been told is Chikyou because typing fat man makes me feel like I'm writing about Winston Churchill or that atom bomb that was incidentally named after him, came back out. "Are you okay...?"

"Do I look like I'm okay to you...?" Just for the record she used the wrong hand to keep the door open. Sucks to be her. Sucks to be me. Sucks to be you. Is there anyone it doesn't suck to be? "By the way they stopped selling those years ago."

"Now you tell me!" Woe. " And what, they stopped selling Twinkies and Ho-hos and and Zingers and Snowballs and... And... Did they kill all the Germans?! Am I never to eat a streusel again?! And did the French disappear along with their crepes? And..." He was cut off.

"Just let us in!" He punched him in the stomach but his hand got caught in the fat. "Help!"

"Hee hee... That tickles..."

Mukuro had to pull his hand out. "You don't know how many times I've done that."

He blocked the doorway... Actually he was already doing that. "I will let you in once you answer these questions three." He held up one sausage finger. "Question one- This goes for both of you- What is your name?"

"Hiei and she's Mukuro." After a sigh of irritation.

"Question two- What is your quest?"

"To get inside your frickin house."

"Question three- What is your favorite color?"

"I dunno black."

"That's a shade."

"Fine... I dunno. Brown, red..."

"BONUS QUESTION! What is the maximum speed velocity of an unladed swallow?"

Before Hiei could answer "I don't know", Mukuro answered, "It depends. Is it African or European?"

"I don't know."

Hiei shoved his way in. "Let us in already! Damn! You're so fat that you can't roll down the hill? If you're wondering he is the hill! And he's so fat he could sell shade and you need diet water!"

Chiyou retorted, "Well, you're so stupid you sit on the TV and watch the couch!"

"Yeah, well you're so fat not even Naruto can believe it!"

"Yeah well..." He ended the argument by turning around and passing gas in Hiei's general direction like in The Miller's Tale in The Canterbury Tales and he added meditatively, "Every little bean must be heard as well as seen." He invited the two to the couch and brought cups of tea. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"I think you might want to sit down because it might now feel right for your ass to keep jiggling after you bounce back to your feet," Hiei replied. Once the man sat down in his chair (which I might add, he barely fit in) Hiei took a deep breath and went on, "Mukuro's pregnant."

He smiled and he looked like a pig eating whatever that nasty crap they eat in the cartoons is. "That's cute. Who's the father...?"

"That would be me."

"How nice! I'm glad that you can make my daughter happy." He changed the TV to a channel that showed David Lynch's Rabbits. "Enjoy the tea. Forget about the rabbits."

"I don't trust him," Mukuro finally said. She drank the tea anyway.

"But you trust his drinks."

"Ah, crap. Goddammit! Quit putting sleeping potions in my...!" Mukuro passed out mid sentence.

Suddenly Chiyou came back with a shotgun. "And now I'll get you for deflowering my daughter, you pervert!"

"What?!" He hid behind the couch. "But you did it to her to! And she wasn't even old enough for that crap either! That's even worse!"

"Yeah but it's okay because I'm sexy."

"No you're not."

"Beauty's only skin deep."

"Well you have a long way to look fatty!"

"I'm going to kill you for that!" He knocked over the couch. Before he could fire it Mukuro, who woke up when the couch was knocked over, jumped in between them. "What the...? I thought you were passed out!"

"About that..." She paused. "HOLY HELL! WHAT IS THAT?!"

He turned around. "What...?"

She pulled a pistol out on him and fired it but the bullet bounced off his head.

He turned around, causing her to fly across the room from the impact of his fat. "Did you just try to kill me? Where'd you go? Oh well..." He pointed the shot gun at Hiei. Before he fired he put a pipe in his mouth. "Wait this tastes... Mukuro, did you poison my pipe again?! Quit trying to kill me!"

She gabbed Hiei by the arm and jumped out the window.


"Let's never come back here again!" Mukuro growled once they got back to the car which somehow stayed in the same place all this time.


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Chapter 2
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