Twd4L: Epilogue (For Real this Time!)
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-18 00:27:27
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Romance, Humor, Hiei, Mukuro



Summary:
I dunno. But they're all in a car.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
The songs in order- Northern Downpour, Nine in the Afternoon, When the Day Met the Night, that song from the Wizard of Oz. No relation to Dr. Oz.
Chapter 5
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And now it is time for...
The wonderfully sexiful ending also known as the epilogue but that term is just over used and half of the time the writer doesn't mean it so it's like "What the hell? How was that an epilogue if the story didn't even end there?" that's like having the underline button but professionally you don't use it for anything. What's the point of that?

"So we decided we're all going to Silent Hill," Yusuke told everyone as they all crammed together in the back seat of the car. For the people that like to pay attention to useless details it's a really wide Toyota or Honda or Acura or something but the only thing that's special about it for you is that it's blue like Mukuro's eyes in the darkness on a hot summer day June twenty second in particular at two o' clock in the morning as she stares intently at the ceiling thinking for exactly thirty seconds about Hiei then another about darkness then another about souls and another about bunnies running over chickens and another... And the car is wide enough to fit five grown people. (Well, we're not sure about Hiei. You never know. He's still not a hundred yet.) Anyway while that reader considers all these details and all of the symbolism within that we'll go back to the story. As everyone crammed into the seat, Yusuke gave the drive a bottle cap (A golden bottle cap from a Corona bottle or whatever he drinks. It's probably that Kirin one. Kirin's an awesome unimportant character. But if you haven't read the bottom ten percent of every continuation or Hiei/Mukuro stories you probably don't remeber him. He was the guy who pissed off Anna Jaganshi... And...)

Then Mukuro became a great philosopher: "Why?"

"What do you mean why? You and Hiei need to go on at least one date before that kid pops out or hatch it or whatever way you people produce offspring. Besides that they have Pyramid Head and Bubblehead nurse plushies complete with authentic blades! Awesome!" Yusuke probably said that with regards to his ancestors who probably wouldn't go on dates anyway... Yes we're looking at you RAIZEN.

"What can a pregnant person do on a date though? When you're pregnant, all the romance flies out of dates!" Kuwabara kicked Yusuke. "And how come we all have to come? I don't wanna be around other people dating! That feels like watching people... Doing... Things."

"Kuwabara, you were begging to come! So shut up!" Yusuke kicked him back.

"I thought I could bring Yukina! I thought we were all bringing dates... Well except Kurama. Who knows if he'll ever get a girlfriend." ("I resent that..." Kurama mumbled to himself.)

"Yeah well, Demon World Constitutional Law Five, Article Three, Section Two, Sentence seven, word one..."

"'The'?" Hiei interrupted Yusuke.

"Shut up Little Hans! Going on seeing Sigmund Freud to be told you love your mother and you fear a horse's..."

"Silent Hill doesn't even exist. You're just taking us to a nonexisting place. A road to perdition!"

"Yeah, well you my good man are a sporklefork! I can make up long funny words too! In fact, here's another one for you- schorktanfanoyi!"

"So if we're not going to Silent Hill, were are we going?" Kurama asked. "In fact, who's driving?"

"I dunno. We all just jumped in the car."

"So you don't even know who's driving and where they're taking you?" Mukuro asked indifferently. Considering that she had to be in a car with Hiei driving and having gone through a whole tournament formulated by Yusuke I'm sure this whole thing isn't much of a surprise... She got no answer and did a face palm.

"Hey, let's go to the strawberry fields," Kuwabara finally said. "I love strawberries. I bet I can bring a huge basket of strawberries home..." He imagined the look on Yukina's face.

"OMG Kazuma you gave me strawberries! You're so awesome! I'll love you forever and ever... And I'll marry you right now! I luff you Kazu darling!"

But then Kuawabara's dreams were smashed. "I'm sorry, Mister Kuawabara, but there aren't any strawberries here. Actually the plants here in Demon World are rather brutal. Fruit bearing ones are really rare around here."

"What?!" Kuwbara screamed and grabbed her by the arm (which was difficult because Kurama and Hiei were in between them) and started shaking her. "How can you not have strawberries?! Is that why you people are all so angry and depressed and... I hate you!" He started crying onto Kurama's shoulder. "I hate you..." And Kuwabara, oddly enough, looked like a bunch of strawberries trapped inside a pinata at a retirement home.

"Let go of her! I wouldn't trust you with your own damn kids. You already have shaken fetus syn-" Hiei was interrupted.

"I believe it's Shaken Baby Syndrome," Mukuro broke in but Hiei took no heed. What a great word.

"-drome. Just shut the fuck up!"

Everyone collectively gasped. "He said the f word..."

"What? Shut? Up?" Blank stare.

"Fuck. Don't you know your letters?" Mukuro asked ("Now she said it!"), cocking a brow because apparently eyebrows are guns and you can fire them at people.

"Well EXCUSE ME for having incredible flaws that I don't work on! And besides that, it's just a word. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck! Fuck!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to drive!" the driver turned around and again everyone collectively gasped. (Except Kurama. He was enjoying this little exchange. He was even swallowing tubs and tubs of old stale popcorn covered with what looked like cheese. Apparently this guy has no life but to watch couples argue. In fact, he made it a point to live next to Yusuke and Keiko so he can spy on every argument so he can remix them into techno songs so they can be a big hit. Just like a perfect spy.)

"Oh crap! It's that Gamemaster kid! Only he's not really a kid anymore but old enough to drive! We're all gonna die!" Yusuke started crying. "I just started getting up to date with Heroes and Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles! Why?!"

"Don't make me make Seamonkey slap you!" Gamemaster whose full name is actually Tsukihito Amanuma growled.

Seaman or Mitarai as we all know him, "Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!" Long silence. "...It's my catchphrase. You like it?" Silence. "I hate you all."

"I hate you all too! I think I'll just go in the trunk and cry myself to sleep until we get to whereever we're going!" Kuwabara started throwing a tantrum.

"You can't do that. There's people back there," Kurama replied.

"Oh great! And who are these jerks anyway?"

Then at that moment three people came out of the trunk which was somehow connected to the backseat at that very moment. And they were the wonder couple... Er, twins... Or... Wonder trio: Yomi, Shura, and Raizen.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can get my name on the character list and get some fangirls!" Shura cried and looked all cross-eyed.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can get out of yaois between Kurama and I and convince everyone that I am NOT a pedophile," Yomi added. He would probably be glaring knives into Kurama if he could see. But Kurama was drowning himself in butter.

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Fanfiction so I can actually get in some fanfics and get people to remember me!" Raizen finished the unwanted survey.

"Great! So I can't even be alone in a car full of ten people!" Kuwabara started kicking Mitarai, smashed a creme pie in Yusuke's face, poked Kurama in both of his eyes Three Stooges style, and then sprayed that carbonated water they always serve in spray bottles in the cartoons. Kuwabara was about to attack Mukuro with a photoshopped picture of John McCain and Barak Obama dancing on the Eiffel Tower when Mukuro threw Shura out the window. Never mind how she did it.

"There's room now," Mukuro said nonchalantly.

"Did you just throw my son out the window?" Yomi growled.

"No. It was Hilary Clinton throwing something at her husband after she found out he ate the last slice of pie."

"You...! Well take this!" He fired a watermelon launcher that happened to hit Hiei's leg which spouted watermelon meat all over the place.

"You bastard! You wanna go out the window too!" Hiei flicked watermelon meat at him. He actually wanted to spit speeds at him but he decided to be civilized about it.

"I wouldn't trust you with your kids! I won't go! You don't own this car! I don't even work here!"

"And what makes you say that I don't even hold power over you!"

"...Hell... I dunno." And a bunch of slime fell on him. (Of course by this time Raizen disappeared because he wanted embark on yet another never ending quest to find the Thousand Year Old Grape. And Yomi jumped out to go find Shura who fell out of the car like a rejected potato... Or a rejected Thunder Cat.) "...Shit."

"Sweet! Slime!" Yusuke yelled into the roof. "I dunno! I dunno! I dunno!" No slime. "Dammit!"

"Say, Yusuke..." Slime fell on Kurama.

"How about pies? Are there pie shops anywhere?" Kuwabara whined.

"I..." She caught herself. "I'm sure there are but I've never been to one. I don't like sweets at all."

"No wonder you're always so depressed! I bet..."

"Shut up, Kuwabara! No matter what you do, Yukina will NEVER even consider going on a date with you and you should be ashamed for thinking otherwise!" Hiei broke into the conversation.

"Can it shorty! I'm trying to talk here!" Kuwabara yelled and smacked him with a pie.

"Okay! If everyone doesn't shut up, I will set off this bomb!" Kurama held up a time bomb.

"What?! There's a bomb in the back?! Why do every eleven minutes of my life have to be filled with pain and misery?" Gamemaster pounded his head on the steering wheel. "Oh hey. Check out that hot blonde over there. I guess life is worth living. ...But why couldn't I be graced with at least one zombie!"

Miatarai stared at him."No, Tsukihito. You are a zombie."

And Tskukihito Amanuma was a zombie. BUT WHO WAS PHONE?

"I think I've had just about enough with this whole thing," Kuwabara turned to Hiei and Mukuro. "I think we're... Hey what the...? Where the heck did Shorty and his Juno just go to?"

"I dunno," Yusuke replied... And slime fell on him. "You know... This stuff is pretty good. Get me another one of those creme pies. I bet those are pretty good with this slime."

Kuwabara ignored him and turned to Kurama. "You know where they went to?"

"Depends, Kuwabara. Do you mean it this time or are you asking random questions again?" Kurama replied as he took over the new space that opened up so he can sleep.

"...What's a hypotenuse?"

Face palm.

I wish I had a mini cactus.

So let's go to our favorite couple now... They jumped out of the car sometime after BUT WHO WAS PHONE? and wandered out into a nice field of flowers with a couple of ones in the process of eating a demon. Isn't that just so heart warming and romantic?

"Hey, Mukuro. I have something to get off my chest..." Hiei reached down his shirt and took out some weird looking bloodsucking worm off his chest.

"That's great because I have something on my mind..." She took out a piece of paper that had MIND written in big letters and erased a drawing of a unicorn walking on an ocean of penguins and jellybeans.

"There's something that's been going on in the back of my mind..." Hiei took a skull out of his pocket. "Hey you damn fairies! Quit reciting Shakespear!"

Several bad plays on words later...

"...You know, I wonder why we don't wear the same uniform..." Mukuro thought out loud. "So what were you saying?"

"There's something I have to say..." Hiei paused.

Hey moon Please forget to go down
Hey moon Don't you go down...

"What's with the music?" They both looked up. The music paused. "Okay, as I was saying..."

It's nine in the afternoon
And your eyes were as big as the moon...

"There it is again!" Another pause. "I want you to know that..."

When the moon fell in love with the sun...

He looked up. "That..."

We're off to see the Wizard
The wonderful Wizard of Oz
Because because because...

"That last one shouldn't count! It's got no romantic qualities at all!"

"You just wanna go home?" Mukuro asked.

"Sure."

Home
Where my music's playing...

"I swear..." He got so tired of walking in silence that he asked THE OTHER ANOTHER OTHER question. Only he wanted to use it in Shakespearian terms. "Whilst my lady become betrothed to I?"

"...If thou shalt go hence." And she threw the sops in the face of the sexton once again. "Just ask in normal terms. But the answer's yes."

"...And one more thing I have to say before we get home. I know I'll never have the chance to say this again when we get there. It's just something only you and I can share together... You see, I..."

Blank screen.

Koenma dropped his Slushie. "WHAT? THAT'S IT?!" He threw popcorn at George who was formally known as Blue Ogre. "OGRE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Ay me!" And the poor ogre sobbed into his Cheerios.

And then there was none. /Bids you adieu

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