Horror Movie Ch 9: Aliens versus Authority
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-09-25 01:39:51
Tags: yuyu hakusho, Keiko, Yukina, Kurama, Kuwabara, Koenma, Botan

Kurama was driving down the road when... HE'S ABDUCTED BY ALIENS! (M. Knight Shamalan: What a twist!)

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
Quite a few shout outs here. One was to another work, THE ADVENT OF THE EROSIONS REVENGE and Light and Dark: The Adventures of Dark Yagami. Also Trogdor.
The song was “Blinded by the Light.”
Chapter 9
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Chapter 9: Alien versus Authority (which always wins when John Cougar Mellencamp tries to fight it, which kind of begs the question, why in the FUCK is he fighting authority if he can't win and he knows it?)

I kept his what? I kept his WHAT? Keiko wondered. She was practically banging her head against the window trying to remember just what it was she took from Yusuke.

"Something wrong, Keiko?" Kurama asked, looking in through the rearview mirror. "You look really stressed out. Other than what just happened."

"Hm? Oh that's all."

"You sure?"

"What, is it a crime that I think this is all weird?"

"How'd you know about the humans in the food? I feel like there's something you haven't told us." Kurama fixed a stare on her again before focusing on the road again.

"…I saw Yusuke in a dream and he said that's what happened. Happy?"

"Wait, can't Spirits do that though? I'm not a master of such things, but I'm fairly certain. So that means… But this makes no sense. Shouldn't have Spir-"

"Look, it is what it is. That's all. Could we just leave it alone?"

"Okay. But if you ever want to talk about it, you can always talk to me. Or any one of us, really. We can't afford to isolate ourselves."

"So. Kurama… Demon World then?" Kuwabara asked.

He looked at the other man sitting next to him "We should. I hope they're still okay over there. Honestly, I don't know what's worse, a human zombie or a demon one. Hiei, what…" He paused and shook his head. "For the moment, let's assume demon zombies are much worse. Though if I were to take Yomi's word for it, Raizen had a cure for it a long time ago."

"Whoa, what?!"

"Um… He was afraid something like this would happen. He kind of made cremation mandatory. I heard Mukuro got the formula for the proposed cure from him."


"…They had a bromance, okay, Kuwabara?"

"Wait. One. God. Damn. Sec. Ond." Keiko leaned in between the two. "You mean to tell me that Mukuro, who was sitting with us this whole time knew the formula to save us from a zombie apocalypse and you just let her walk away knowing that?"

"Ir was a groundless rumor."

"But would it have killed you to ask her about that if you knew about that rumor? We could have saved ourselves a lot of this crap."

Long silence. Kurama turned around and was about to answer when they were BLINDED BY THE LIGHT, REVVED UP LIKE A DEUCE, ANOTHER RUNNER IN THE NIGHT BLINDED BY THE

"Damn it, stop that!" Kuwabara screamed. Sorry, man. I totally had to. "Frickin narrator."

And so the car was trapped in a blinding light. Kurama let up on the gas. He shut his eyes, then tried to look as he squinted. He saw that they were at eye level with the tops of the trees. He was certain he was tripping out. Or that was his last thought before he passed out.


Kurama woke laying on a table in a white room. He sat up, knowing that he wasn't strapped down. Keiko and Yukina were sitting in the corner, but they were still unconscious. He looked all around the room. No Kuwabara. He got off the table and shook the girls awake.

"Have you been awake since we got here?" Kurama asked.

"What do you…? Oh." Yukina gasped when she realized they weren't in the car anymore. "Where's Kazuma?"

"I don't know."

There was a hissing coming from behind Kurama. He turned around and saw a small screen. A voice from the screen said, "Would you like to play a game?"

"Wait… I know that voice…" Kurama said. "Koenma! What have you done with Kuwabara?!"

"Man. My cover's blown," Koenma sighed as he appeared on the screen.

"Actually that was a guess but thanks for confirming it anyway."

"What?! You dick!"

"Did that baby just say…?" Yukina gasped. "Come over here and get a spanking. Babies don't talk like that!"

"I'm not a baby!"

"But… You have a pacifier in your mouth so aren't you…?" Keiko asked.

"Arg…! Fine, whatever. But I have Kuwabara so if you don't behave yourselves then he'll come back unlike how you've known him before…."

Kurama stood up. "Why are you doing this, Koenma? What have we done to you?"

"Well, considering that your world's gone to hell, I decided- Ogre, get out of here, I'm on camera and I have to look cool!" Koenma threw a stamp at poor Jorge who was off camera. "ANYWAY. I decided that since it doesn't matter how this ends because we're aliens here at Spirit World anyway. And I've decided to implant a weapon that would prolong your existence. Good luck being the new Adams and Eves."

"Wait, WHAT?!"

"We've been aliens all along. Wasn't it kind of obvious?"

"Well, actually that was more intended towards your last comment."

"Oh. I thought as a fellow man you would enjoy the harem…"

Kurama couldn't handle the rest of the interaction so he did what any normal, intelligent man would do in such a situation. He picked up the table and threw it in the table, and flipped pover the plates screaming about how much he hate thing. Kirin would never be the same again.

Keiko glared at him and asked, "Kurama art thou mentale?"

"I am breaking out of this place and saving Private Ryan! I mean, I'm gonna save Private Kuwabara! Let's go, gang!"

"…Was that comment really that bad?"

"I…" And so Kurama had a blue screen of death. Keiko and Yukina waited for him to recover because he was the only one that knows how to pick locks. This was going to take a while and they knew it so they decided to play a game of Mao.


Kuwabara woke up on the table. He was about to sit up but he found he was strapped down. Oh no! I might be experimented on. Quick, Kuwa, do you see anyone else in the room? He looked around. Okay, good. I'm alone. Looks like I won't be one of the Human Centipede things I've heard so much about. But still where is everyone? Wait. He moved his legs. Okay, no one's attached to HIS ass so he's definitely not in that scheme. Thankfully.

He heard a door open.

"Oh, he's awake!"

Wait, he knew that voice.

"Botan? Is that you?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yuppers!" she answered. She stood over him. He knew he could look up her nose. It wasn't exactly a great time to be alive.

"Um, hey, can you get me out of these straps?"


"What? Why not!"

"We have to do surgery on you!"


Botan raised a syringe and stabbed it right in his forehead. Then she gasped when she remembered that you're supposed to inject people in the elbow. Oh well, she saw this on Grey's Anatomy and they're totally real doctors, right? Kuwabara was knocked out once again.

Koenma walked in at that moment, freshly changed in his teenage form. "Hello, Nurse Botan. I am Dr. Koenma and I am very cool."

"Um, Lord Koenma, I know who you are," Botan said.

"But am I not very cool?"

"Yes. Very much so."

"That better be true." Glare.

"So we need to get this surgery done."

"Right. I think it goes in his…"


Kurama recovered from his Blue screen of death. He looked at the girls who had just finished their card game and they stared back at him. "So we need to get out of here and find Kuwabara then."

"Can you sense his presence anywhere?" Keiko asked.

Kurama stared at the wall. "…He feels like he's… not that far from us. To the right." The girls nodded. "Anyone got a pin or something? I think I can get this lock." Yukina reached down her shirt and pulled out a bobby pin. A nice, warm bobby pin. H-hey, don't make this awkward! I wasn't even noticing that! He then proceeded to pick the lock. He opened the door a crack to ensure there was no one outside the door. Good. He opened it wider and looked around. Still no one. He gestured for the girls to follow him out.

He focused on Kuwabara's energy and followed it down the hall. They followed him until they reached two double doors. Kurama gestured for them to come closer so he can whisper, "Okay, we have to really tactful to save Kuwabara." The girls nodded. Then Kurama said, "WE MUST USE STEALTH!" And then he ran in to the room screaming. Koenma and Botan were so shocked that they exploded! And turned in to chickens!

Except not because all they did was gasp in their alien way.


"…Um… IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I SHALL PUNISH YOU!" And then Keiko threw her shoe at Botan.

"No! The power of the moon… I must…" And she turned to dust.

"…W-when'd I learn to do that? And… did… Did I just kill Botan?"

"It's okay, she's the grim reaper anyway. She'll get better." Koenma said, waving his hand. "And you can take Kuwabara back right now."

"That's too easy!" Kurama said. "What'd you do to him? Tell me you didn't give him an anal probe…"

"An- Shoot, I thought it was an oral probe. My bad," Koenma said. "Well, in any case, I have better prepared you to fight the zombies. You see, I implanted the ability for him to breathe fire. Now have fun, earthlings!"

"Hold o-"


Kurama woke up behind the wheel. They were all in the same position as they were before they left. He looked at Kuwabara who looked back at him.

"You felt that, too, didn't you?" Kurama asked.

"Hold up, I have to… Urk..." Kuwabara opened the door and just when he sounded like he was vomiting, out came fire. "Oh… my… god. I'm TROGDOR NOW!"

"Oh Kazuma…" Yukina said. And they all laughed.

"But seriously, we just got abducted by aliens…"

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Chapter 9
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